2. I've Never Been to Stuckey's - Well, I'm goin' down that highway, goin my way, goin' nowhere, goin' fast. Oh, you gotta be so strong to keep on keepin’ on down the highway of life.

The wheels go round and round and round, and they never touch the ground the ground, spinnin' nowhere, spinnin' fast. But I know I'm gonna get there, somewhere, if only I can last on the highway of life.

Oh, I'm goin' down that highway, goin my way, goin' nowhere, goin' fast. Put the pedal to the metal; you know somebody's gonna try and pass, on the highway of life.

Look! There's a Stuckey's. Maybe we should stop and get a pecan log. Nah, we got time. We got lots of time. There'll be another Stuckey's down the road. We got time. You can cut it with a knife on the highway of life.

And the hotrod comes out of nowhere, goin' nowhere,goin' nowhere, goin fast. He hangs there on your bumper then blows out around and past down the highway of life.

And he's goin' nowhere, goin' nowhere, goin' nowhere, goin' nowhere just like you and me, but he thinks that when he gets there he'll be young, tan, and free on the highway of life.

Oh look! There's another Stuckey's. Two Stuckey's have emerged in a mellow mood, and I, sad that I could not travel there, oh I took the road more traveled by, and I don't think it's made a damned bit of difference, on the highway of life.

Oh, I'm goin' down that highway, goin my way, goin' nowhere, goin' fast. Oh, you gotta be so strong to keep on keepin' on down the highway of life. But I know I'm gonna get there, somewhere, with the wind blowin' through my hair on the highway of life. La la la la la la la laaa.

Old enough to've been in Jesus' cross, as old as when Julie Caesar was boss, and if you count the stumps in the park as old as the wood in Noah's ark.

Oh I think that I shall never see more clearly immortality than that view given to me when I saw the redwood tree. Two thousand years at least, I'm told, before a redwood's considered old, but it seems it could be more; if two thousand, why not four?

But as of now when they fall down, they're just left there lyin' on the ground 'til lumbermen practice subtle arts and haul away the redbeard's parts. But if a tree falls down and can't get up, why not before we sleep or sup, bring in pulleys, cables, and a crane - set that sucker up again, tamp its roots into the ground, fertilize and water all around, and promise to the redwood glade eternal Redwood Medicaid.

Although it's not for you and me to live with immortality, why not give it to the redwood tree, and maybe Death would leave it be. And though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we can make it run.

Oh, I went to California to look at the trees, and there they were as big as you please, holdin' up the sky and stuck in God's eye; made quite an impression on me. Me and the tree and immortality.

4. Sittin' Down at Shifty's - I'm just sittin' down at Shifty's, spendin' all my dough, what little bit I've got - easy come, easy go. So honey, if you please, come give a squeeze and buy me a couple more beers.

Well, Kenny and Sparky come in every day, and every now and then I see my old friend Ray. They all sit down beside me and slap me on the back and buy me a couple more beers.

I'm just an old worn-out country boy doin' the best I can, trying to convince myself that I am still a man. So honey, if you please, come give a squeeze and buy me a couple more beers.

My mind runs back to Grandpa's place, where I had some fun, Grandma and Grandpa said I was

their favorite one, but that was long ago and so far away; now I sit in Shifty's every day.

I'm just an old worn-out country boy sittin' on my stool, tryin' to convince myself that I am not a fool. I've got no place to go and nothin' much to do, and every now and then I think of you.

Well, I open up old Shifty's, every day at eight. I'm always on time; I ain't hardly ever late. Mona lets me in, sets me up a double gin, and buys me a couple more beers.

I'm just an old worn-out country boy doin' the best I can, trying to convince myself that I am still a man. So honey, if you please, come give a squeeze and buy me a couple more beers. Well, honey, if you please, come give a squeeze and buy me a couple more beers.

5. Pee Wee Where Have You Gone - Oh Pee Wee, where have you gone? Have you run off with Miss Yvonne? Reba Mail Lady says no forwarding address; oh Pee Wee, we miss you I confess.

Cowboy Curtis still rides the range, but his eyes look mighty strange.

Oh Pee Wee, won't you come home? Oh, Chairy can't stand livin' here all alone. We're gonna sit here every Saturday 'til you come home again to play.

Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho, mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho, mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho, oh oh oh oh oh - where did you go?

Did somebody say wish?

Oh Pee Wee, wish you were here, to bring the Playhouse some cheer; we're gonna sit here every Saturday, 'til you come home again to play.

Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho, mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho, mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho, oh oh oh oh oh - where did you go?

6. Pea Green Boat - Why don't we just float away? Why don't we leave today? We'll float along through tangerine skies, you and I, in my beautiful pea green boat.

The owl and the pussycat, they'll both be there, owl with his wisdom and pussy with her devil-may-care. We'll sing a love song as we float along, you and I, in my beautiful pea green boat.

I'll be the owl and give you my horny stare; you can be pussy and you'll do your share. We'll be all right as we dance through the night by the light of the moon, in my beautiful pea green boat.

Why don't we just float away? Sail for a year and a day. Lord knows we've had our dues to pay; now it's time to play, in my beautiful pea green boat.

Why don't we just float away? Why don't we leave today? We'll be all right as we float through the night and the tangerine skies by the light of the moon, of the silvery moon, in my beautiful pea green boat.

In my beautiful pea green boat.

And we're gonna bleed, and we're gonna bleed; gonna bleed all over, yes indeed. And we're gonna bleed all over the place, gonna bleed on the earth, gonna bleed in outer space.

And we're gonna bleed; it's a God-given need. I hope there ain't no confusion 'cause all of us gonna need a transfusion!

You can buy a new outfit; throw in a black negligee. We'll go to Niagara; I'll take Viagra then you'd better step back out of the way. We can forget about Clinton; forget old Henry Hyde too. We'll go to Niagara;I'll take Viagra .The rest of it Babe's up to you.

I'm tellin' you, Doll, my boy will stand tall. Let's get away from the Mall (I've got some samples). Let's get away from the Mall.

9. Jesus Chrysler - I got in my old LeBaron, and I drove to the sacred store, and a fellah said, "Can I help you, brother?" as I walked in through the door. I said, "I think you can, my man, 'cause I've got a simple wish. I want a chrome or plastic stick-on Jesus fish."

Well, the deal went down without a hitch, and I didn't have to pay no tax. I slapped that baby on the back o'my LeBaron and sat down to relax. I found the ignition, yeah and I turned the key, gonna drive that Jesus Chrysler from here to eternity.

When you're drivin' a Jesus Chrysler, everyone makes way for you; even at the Pearly Gates they just smile and wave you through, and there is Michael the Archangel with a bucket in his hand just waitin' to wash your car as it enters the Promised Land. Well, I'm winnin' all my football bets with Jesus on my team and the lord's lookin' over my liver - it's me, the lord, and Jim Beam. The landlord he's forgot my name; he doesn't bother me, and the US postal service sends my letters out for free.

I'm winnin' on the slots over at the casino, and all of my bets out at the track are win, place, and show. All my friends at the seven/eleven say I'll win the lottery. And Nobody cares if I show up for work; they just mail the check to me.

When you're drivin' a Jesus Chrysler, you're bound to go far, and it don't really take too much, just a fish stuck on your car. When you're drivin' a Jesus Chrysler, that's a sacred car; you've got the right credentials; you're a Jesus Chrysler super star.

I'm appearin' on the 700 Club; Pat Robertson's in love with me, and I find myself at the top of the charts with my Christian rap CD. All my Jewish friends have converted; my gay friends have gone straight too, and I've even got the monkeys testifyin' to their trainers out at the zoo.

Since I've advertised for Jesus, he's been takin' care of me. Now I can get my cable, and I don't have to pay no fee. Yeah, I can walk on water (if the water ain't too deep), and I even told the IRS to take a flyin' leap.

So if success and salvation are what you truly wish, get a Chrysler, Dodge, or Plymouth and stick on a Jesus fish. Oh you'll be drivin' a Jesus Chrysler, that's a sacred car. You're guaranteed a place in heaven. You're a Jesus Chrysler super star. Oh yeah, You're guaranteed a place in heaven. You're a Jesus Chrysler super star.

I've done everything I can to be your one true lovin' man, and I'd do it all again, but it's too late, it’s too late for me. Wish I, wish I, wish I could live forever, live forever here with you. Wish I, wish I, wish I could make all your dreams come true, do everything you want me too; I wish I could but it’s too late, it’s too late for me.

I've done everything I can to be your one true lovin' man, and I'd do it all again, but it's too late, it’s too late for me. Oh, it’s too late, it’s too late for me. Yes, it’s too late for me.

I'm so happy that I am so filthy rich. I can be an aristocrat and you can be my bitch. We can paint a swastika on our BMW; come on baby and be my fascist girl.

Come on baby, we can spend our days bashing lesbians and gays. At night we can get our kicks harassing Jews and Catholics; we can leave a foreigner bleeding on the corner, come on baby and be my fascist girl.

We'll surely get our pictures in The Dispatch, citizen's award for removing trash. Baby can't you feel the thrill of rubbing shoulders with George Will; come on baby and be my fascist girl.

Oh fascist girl you are the best with the tattoo of Reagan on your breast. Come on baby, join the master race; Limbaugh's saving you a place. And I know you'll like my wienie; looks a lot like Mussolini; come on baby and be my fascist girl. Oh yeah, come on baby and be my fascist girl.

12. John Lennon - Where have you gone, John Lennon? How could you leave us alone? We'd be so glad to see you again; please arrange, if you can, to come home. Where are you now, John Lennon; oh come sit a spell next to me. Sing us a song and we'll all sing along, and again we can all feel we're free.

You were my heart way back at the start; you're gone, but you're still here with me.

Where have you been John these many long years? Have you profitably spent your time? Have you got any new songs that we can all sing, and maybe we'll find peace of mind.

You were the one who made us all strong; it was you John who helped us keep on. And you were the one who coerced the sun to rise up and shine down on me.

But you're frozen in time now John Lennon; my heart's frozen there with you. After all of these years if you can't come to me, I guess I'll be coming to you.

So, won't you come home now, John Lennon; you've been away much too long. Won't you come home, John Lennon? We've desperate need of a song.

They say Lucy cried on the day that you died, and the diamonds all turned to brass. But you were my heart way back at the start; you're gone, but you're still here with me.

13. Maybe I'll — Sittin’ here watchin' the walls all alone, three or four hours 'til my baby gets home.Wish

there was something I could do. Help me out folks; I don't have a clue.

Well, maybe I could get my belly button pierced; maybe I could buy me a Sega CD Player; maybe buy some of that spray on hair - spray me on another layer. Maybe I could get me a big ol' tattoo - sounds like something that I might do. Or maybe just take a walk out to the zoo. Sounds good to me; does it sound good to you?

Or maybe I could buy me a new pair of shoes, stop at the store and get me some booze, drink it all down as I walk around town. Sounds good to me; I've got nothin' to lose. Or maybe I could buy me some hashish or pot, get me a date with ol' Margie Schott, sit around commiserate about Pete Rose and knock off her socks with my Schwarzenegger pose. Or maybe I could buy me a big fancy yacht, look up Liz Taylor and see what she's got, take her on board see what she can do. Sounds good to me; does it sound good to you?

Or maybe I could go down to Disney World, see if I can find me that Kerrigan girl, get a Lillehammer and bang on her knee. Sound good to you? Well, it sounds good to me. Or maybe I could buy a fishin' pocket popeil, or get me a suit and act like a wheel, call up the Donald and write up a deal, then look up Madonna and cop me a feel.

Yeah, but all of my maybe's they cost lots of money. Maybe I should just go lay out someplace sunny and work a couple hours on my charms so I can roll around in my sweet baby's arms. Rollin' all around in my sweet baby's arms, rollin' all around in my sweet baby's charms, buy me some crackers from Pepperidge Farms and roll in the crumbs in my sweet baby's arms.

Rollin' all around in my sweet baby's arms, rollin' all around in my sweet baby's charms. Rollin' all around listenin' to her purr; sounds good to me. Hope it sounds good to her.

14. Mississippi River - Sittin' down by the Mississippi River with the one I love, thankin' God for sendin'

her down for me to love. I'm so glad she calls me Dad, but I'm her little boy. Sittin' down by the river really is a joy.

Oh sittin' down by the Mississippi River holdin' her little hand, tellin' her that she's my girl, listenin' to her tell me I'm her man, oh I'm so happy she calls me Pappy, but she's my honeychild. Sittin' down by the river really drives me wild.

Sittin' down by the Mississippi River on the levy with you, I'm about out of things to say, but I know you'll show me what to do. Oh, I'm ecstatic that my erratic behavior makes you laugh, sittin' down by the river neckin' like a giraffe.

Sittin' down by the Mississippi River with the one I love, thankin' God for sendin' her down from up above for me to love. Oh I'm so happy she calls me Pappy, but she's my honeychild. Sittin' down by the river really drives me wild.

Oh oh oh! Sittin' down by the Mississippi River with you.

I've been waitin' such a long, long time. Now, at last, you are mine; you're mine and I'm yours and it's true, oh so true; I do, oh yes I do, I do love you.

When I look out at the sun, so happy you're the one cared so much about me that you set me free, it's true. I do love you.

When I look out at the world, so happy you're my girl, me for you and you for me, tea for two and two for tea. It's true, I'm tellin' you; I do love you. It’s so true, I’m tellin’ you, I do love you.

16. Spam Eatin' Blues - I ain't nothin' but a hound dog. I'm a poor excuse for a man. Since you left me, baby, all I've got left's this here can of Spam.

Oh, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Yeah, I got this here can o' Spam, but baby I ain't got you!

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it's all the same damned thing. Processed pork can get me by, but it can't make me sing.

Oh, I've got the Spam eatin' blues, and I think I would rather be eatin' one o' your shoes.

Oh, come home, cookin' mama. Bring your juicy ham; bring those luscious loaves of bread; come home and feed your man.

Oh, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Yeah, I got this here can o' Spam, but baby I ain't got you! Oh yeah!

Still got some pickle relish; savin' it just for you. Oh come home cookin' mama, and see what we can do.

Oh, I don't know how I'm gonna get on. Yeah, I got this here can o' Spam, but there ain't no grey poupon! No grey poupon. No grey poupon. No grey poupon!

17. Polar Bears - Out of the North come the Polar Bears, working hard and they're looking for lard.

Some people like me are fat you see, and we've tried every plan devised by man. Though we wail and suffer travail, in the end we fail to be bad to the bone; we fail to atone, to be skin and bone.

But out of the North come the Polar Bears, working hard and they're looking for lard.

In their eyes are Eskimo thighs, and from their nose drips adipose. They lick their lips when they see my hips; it's a hip reduction by lip-osuction.

And out of the North come the Polar Bears, working hard and they're looking for lard.

Oh Jenny Craig, there goes a leg; oh Slim Fast, there goes my ass . They lick their lips when they see my hips; it's a hip reduction by lip-osuction.

And out of the North come the Polar Bears, working hard and they're looking for lard.

If weight gain is causing you pain, driving you insane, I'm proud to announce you can lose every ounce, we can atone, be bad to the bone, just get on the phone, make a date with a Polar Bear.

And out of the North come the Polar Bears, working hard and they're looking for lard.