Heaven Help Us !!
Hey Folks,
I was listening recently to the Stephanie Miller Show and all the callers were offering condolences over the death of Stephanie’s St. Bernard. She’d missed a day or two from the program because of grief and an illness that grew out of her grief.
All the callers were very supportive. I am too, but one comment got me thinking. It was that Stephanie’s dog was now in heaven.
Some "experts" say that only people go to heaven and, even then, that only SOME people go to heaven. Well, that little controversy – though sexy and current – wasn’t what I got to thinking about. No, I started asking questions about heaven itself.
First of all it struck me that since Stephanie loved her dog so much (and the callers were also dedicated dog-lovers), believing that the dog was in heaven would be very comforting, something to be supremely desired. It also struck me, however, that just because we WANT something doesn’t make it so.
And although we have, I guess, some Biblical authority that there is a heaven for people and that some of us might end up there; there’s NO evidence to support the notion that dogs (or ANY other animal - sorry cat/etc.-lovers) can get in.
All I know is that a lady caller assured Stephanie that it was so.
For now, let’s assume that the Bible and the lady both know what they were talking about and see where that takes us. It led me to ask the following questions:
1. My friend and band-mate has a wonderful three-legged dog. When the dog dies and goes to heaven, will he have three legs or four?
2. My Dad had polio and used crutches, braces, and a wheelchair for as long as I can remember. Will he be up and running around in heaven.
3. Unlike Reverends Parsley, Falwell, and Robertson, my Dad wasn’t very religious. Will he even BE in heaven to spit on Parsley and his pals?
4. I know a woman who’s been married four times. In heaven, with which beloved husband will she be re-united ? Will there be domestic trouble as a result?
5. Will we have to work in heaven?
6. If so, will it be for a corporation or for someone interested in us?
7. Is there sex in heaven?
8. In heaven, are virgins still virgins after suicide bombers get ahold of them?
9. In heaven, are virgins still virgins after Parsley, Falwell, and Robertson get ahold of them?
10. Is there “fashion” in heaven?
11. Is there money in Heaven?
12. Are some people more important than other people in heaven?
13. If the answer is “No” to the last three questions, why are fashion, money, and status so important on earth?
14. And why do so many people working so hard for fashion, money, and status think they want to go to heaven?
I have millions of questions – yes, I do; but, for now, let me close with this one:
15. What’s the big thrill of heaven? I mean other than living forever – not dying (like a vampire or a zombie) what’s the big thrill?
My Dad used to say, “Everything that’s fun is either illegal, immoral, or fattening"; and if none of those things are allowed in heaven, I think I’d rather go to hell.
- Uke Man
I was listening recently to the Stephanie Miller Show and all the callers were offering condolences over the death of Stephanie’s St. Bernard. She’d missed a day or two from the program because of grief and an illness that grew out of her grief.
All the callers were very supportive. I am too, but one comment got me thinking. It was that Stephanie’s dog was now in heaven.
Some "experts" say that only people go to heaven and, even then, that only SOME people go to heaven. Well, that little controversy – though sexy and current – wasn’t what I got to thinking about. No, I started asking questions about heaven itself.
First of all it struck me that since Stephanie loved her dog so much (and the callers were also dedicated dog-lovers), believing that the dog was in heaven would be very comforting, something to be supremely desired. It also struck me, however, that just because we WANT something doesn’t make it so.
And although we have, I guess, some Biblical authority that there is a heaven for people and that some of us might end up there; there’s NO evidence to support the notion that dogs (or ANY other animal - sorry cat/etc.-lovers) can get in.
All I know is that a lady caller assured Stephanie that it was so.
For now, let’s assume that the Bible and the lady both know what they were talking about and see where that takes us. It led me to ask the following questions:
1. My friend and band-mate has a wonderful three-legged dog. When the dog dies and goes to heaven, will he have three legs or four?
2. My Dad had polio and used crutches, braces, and a wheelchair for as long as I can remember. Will he be up and running around in heaven.
3. Unlike Reverends Parsley, Falwell, and Robertson, my Dad wasn’t very religious. Will he even BE in heaven to spit on Parsley and his pals?
4. I know a woman who’s been married four times. In heaven, with which beloved husband will she be re-united ? Will there be domestic trouble as a result?
5. Will we have to work in heaven?
6. If so, will it be for a corporation or for someone interested in us?
7. Is there sex in heaven?
8. In heaven, are virgins still virgins after suicide bombers get ahold of them?
9. In heaven, are virgins still virgins after Parsley, Falwell, and Robertson get ahold of them?
10. Is there “fashion” in heaven?
11. Is there money in Heaven?
12. Are some people more important than other people in heaven?
13. If the answer is “No” to the last three questions, why are fashion, money, and status so important on earth?
14. And why do so many people working so hard for fashion, money, and status think they want to go to heaven?
I have millions of questions – yes, I do; but, for now, let me close with this one:
15. What’s the big thrill of heaven? I mean other than living forever – not dying (like a vampire or a zombie) what’s the big thrill?
My Dad used to say, “Everything that’s fun is either illegal, immoral, or fattening"; and if none of those things are allowed in heaven, I think I’d rather go to hell.
- Uke Man
4 Comments:
Hi Tom,
Some excellent questions!! Let me know if you ever get any answers. Sondra
I've never been there, but since you're talking about the bible, I guess I could say a few things about what's in there, and my own thoughts.
"... there’s NO evidence to support the notion that dogs (or ANY other animal - sorry cat/etc.-lovers) can get in..."
Actually, funny that you should mention it -- I just noticed this last week: In Genesis, God says, concerning the lives he gives: "I will demand an accounting from every animal. And from each man, too..." (Genesis 9:5)
So if God's asking both men and animals to explain -- in their own terms -- what they did in this life, it seems to imply he'll have some reward (or otherwise) for both.
"My friend and band-mate has a wonderful three-legged dog. When the dog dies and goes to heaven, will he have three legs or four?..."
My thought: I suspect everything in heaven would "work." If someone still *appears* to be handicapped, it will be only as a token, a sign of honor, of what they once struggled against in this troubled life.
So I think people will have a mode of appearance in which they show some of what they were -- just as Jesus appeared with nail scars still in his hand -- while actually being very happy and able.
"Unlike Reverends Parsley, Falwell, and Robertson, my Dad wasn’t very religious. Will he even BE in heaven to spit on Parsley and his pals?"
Who know what Parsely, Falwell, or Roberston were really like *inside*? I don't. God does. Jesus said that many of those who were "first" would be "last" and vise-versa (Matthew 19:30) -- which I take to mean that some big religious figures weren't really Jesus's followers, and some obscure little old lady, who really loved God and people, might be the highest-ranked person in heaven.
"Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'" (Matt 7:23-24)
And regarding your dad, who knows? The bible's view is that belief that Jesus died for us is important, but a lot can happen in the last few breaths of life. I suspect there may be people who hated "religion", but on their way out, saw, in that last few seconds, the core meaning behind it, the thing they never understood, and decided they wanted it after all.
"Will we have to work in heaven?"
Yes, but it will be a job you'd *love* to do -- both useful and a pleasure.
"If so, will it be for a corporation or for someone interested in us?"
As the bible depicts, God is good, and *likes* the people he created -- (not everything we do, of course, but he walked face to face with Adam and enjoyed it, and Jesus, who was God, very much loved being around people.)
The main reason God put people here is basicly because goodness requires an object, love requires an object.
So all existence is about bringing more and more beings into being, and teaching them about God, and letting them make their own choices in response. And thus bringing more things into a state of peace and harmony...
"Of the *increase* of his government and peace there will be no end." (Isaiah 9, verse 7, describing Jesus -- prophecy.)
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and **share** your master's happiness!'" (Matthew 25:21)
So there's some work to do of that kind, but it's also a pleasure, because the bible says God will also be serving those who have served him.
"It will be good for those servants whose master finds them watching when he comes. I tell you the truth, he [God!!] will dress himself to serve, will have them recline at the table and will come and wait on them." (Luke 12:37)
That's pretty amazing -- God serving those who served him -- for all eternity. How like him -- he's so good.
"I know a woman who’s been married four times. In heaven, with which beloved husband will she be re-united ? Will there be domestic trouble as a result?"
Good question! People asked Jesus the same question. Here's his answer:
"When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven." (Mark 12:25)
The whole story is here.
"Is there sex in heaven?"
No. But the general experience will be so good it will make sex here seem as boring, in comparison, as watching home shopping network.
(A good God would not reward people with a *demotion* compared what they had before.)
"Is there “fashion” in heaven?"
"Is there money in Heaven?"
I wouldn't think so -- not as we understand them now, anyway.
"Are some people more important than other people in heaven?"
According to Jesus, yes: He often spoke of the "greatest in heaven" or "lowest/least in heaven", and told people to store "reward" in heaven. So there is good, and there's better too.
Basicly, if you spent time getting to know God here, you'll be close to him there too -- and if you spent time helping people and loving them, that carries over too.
"If the answer is “No” to the last three questions, why are fashion, money, and status so important on earth?"
Because we have a screwed-up view of things. If we really believed we'd live forever, and that we'd be judged on what we did for other people and God, we'd behave very differently.
"What’s the big thrill of heaven? I mean other than living forever – not dying (like a vampire or a zombie) what’s the big thrill?"
That is an *excellent* question. I used to wonder about the same thing too: Everything here gets boring after a while -- wouldn't heaven get really boring after a long time?
(Especially since pictures of heaven always involved people sitting around on clouds, doing nothing but plucking harps. Ick. (No offense to harpists.))
Then I started reading the bible a bit and noticed two things:
One is that it says God's kingdom will be continually expanding (see above). There will always be something new coming into being.
The other is a verse in the book of "Revelation", where, while describing heaven, Jesus/God says:
"He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!'" (Rev 21:5)
I realized what I was enjoying about getting closer to God was that sense of newness, and I realized *God* was the was the one who was always making new things, and always making things seem fresh and new. God was the source of that newness that I craved.
(In contrast, hell is being trapped doing the same thing over and over.)
Peace to you, Uke Man.
Sorry, one last: I don't feel like I answered your request for more details, above.
The bible says that what's coming is so different than this existence it's beyond our ability to fully understand from this frame of reference:
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him..." (1 Cor 2:9)
Perhaps it's a bit like asking an ant to fully understand the tree he's standing on, and the continent on which that tree grows. Or trying to explain music to someone who's never heard anything before.
Sorry, one more: You said you had lots of questions. If you find this, and you want to have more dialog, I'll be happy to write back.
I'll be watching this post for a while, checking periodically.
Take care.
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