Based on a Demented sTrain of Consciousness Flying Home from NYC

Sitting In for Andy Rooney

Do you ever stop to think about Q-tips?

Maybe you don’t think about them, but you probably have some. Nearly everybody does.

Most of us clean out our ears with them. A few people use paper clips or ballpoint pens, but I don't recommend those items.

Of course, the doctors warn against all of that:

“Never put anything in your ear smaller than your elbow” they say – like you could get the wax out of your ear with a bowling ball (or your elbow) !!

I don’t know about you, but I think it feels great swishing that cotton-tipped contraption around inside my ear. And it’s well-designed – two tips ! One for each ear. And the cotton is white; so any yellow ear wax I succeed in dragging out shows up clearly - - - and makes me proud.

I once received a card featuring a feisty old lady – I think her name is Lucille – with the caption:

“If Q-tips aren’t for cleaning out your ears, what ARE they for?

I’m with Lucille.

Now I know that what I’ve said here will gripe some of my medical friends, but I’m not recommending this to toddlers or naïve middle-schoolers. I’m talking to adults, mature people with itchy, wax-filled ears.

Anybody that old in a “free country” ( post 9-11 mentality/mental problems notwithstanding ) ought to be able to do whatever he wants with a Q-tip.

To those who disagree I have only one thing to say:

“Stick it in your ear !”


- Uke Man