The Fantastic "Stagecoach BBQ & Blues" 

Saturday --- BBQ & Blues -----Ukulele Man & his Prodigal Sons - and Bob Sauls too!

Hey Folks!

Check us out Saturday in South Bloomfield at the Stagecoach BBQ & Blues (www.stagecoachbbq.com).

The extraordinary Bob Sauls breaks loose at 8:00. We'll follow into the late evening!!

This is your last opportunity to join us before we leave to tour Manhattan & Boston! - See you at the BBQ!!

- Uke Man

Mr. Bob "VooDoo Man" Sauls 

The Cookies Are Coming!! 

Letter to the "Dispatch"

To the Editor,
On Sunday (Aug. 28) the editorial "Tough love" reported that a "school for the unruly," the establishment of which "many observers" had desired "for years," had been thwarted, in part, by "a high price tag" and "competing priorities."

Three days later on Wednesday (Aug.31), the editorial "Giving smart" states: "By now, most observers agree that throwing money at public schools won't solve their many problems."

Who's minding the store?

- Uke Man

"I'm Fucking Nuts!! Thank you!" 

Intelligent Design?

Ok! I'm calling my attorney!!

It's time for a class action suit against Pat Robertson!! Failing to stop a crime when one has foreknowledge of it is a crime in itself, and CERTAINLY Pat had foreknowledge of Katrina's advance upon the Southland!

According to dKosopedia, Robertson "claims to have used the power of prayer to steer hurricanes away from his companies' Virginia Beach headquarters. He took credit for steering the course in 1985 of Hurricane Gloria, which caused millions of dollars of destruction in many states along the east coast. He made a similar claim about another destructive storm, Hurricane Felix, in 1995."

Where was his holiness when THIS hurricane hit?

Pat must have had some score to settle with all the unfortunate souls in the path of destruction - strange, though, since Katrina seemed intent on beating the shit out of only red states. I wonder what "sin" the victims committed to earn such intelligently designed wrath?

A few years ago when the Mississippi flooded and caused extensive mayhem, sky-pilots like Robertson claimed it was the retribution of God against a sinful world - - until they heard that the churches in the flood plain were devastated, and the bars and brothels on the hillsides were untouched.

And the so-called "Reverend" Phelps says our soldiers are dying in this insane, imperialistic war because America doesn't "hate fags" enough - like God does.

Yeah, right. It seems to me that Reverend Phelps is the deranged idiot that he is because he is a deranged idiot - made such by intelligent design. He can't blame "fags" for that! Maybe it's Pat Robertson's fault - or Satan's - but I repeat myself.

Yep! All of you out there who have been hurt in ANY way by this hurricane, just hang in there. Pat's loaded (with dough and psychotic chemicals [naturally produced by his dysfunctional body chemistry]). When the suit comes to fruition, we'll all be on Easy Street, with enough money to start our own personal tabernacles and start spouting psychotic clap-trap.

- Uke Man

"All Americans are equal, but some are more equal than others!" 

Identity Theft

"Our foreign policy should support American interests" - John Bolton


Folks like John Bolton are always running off at the mouth about "American interests." This or that needs to be done or left undone because of "American interests."

Sounds good, but . . . in WHICH Americans' interest is it? And WHAT makes it "interesting" to those Americans who actually ARE interested?

We might also ask, WHY aren't more Americans interested in determining WHICH Americans' interests are being pawned off as THEIR interests?

Could it be, SATAN!!??

Not unless you think G.W. Bush is the anti-christ and the Neo-Coneheads are his minions. They (but not Satan) ARE a large part of the problem, but they are just the inevitable scum that ferments to the top of a cesspool system dedicated to the advancement of the few at the expense of the many.

Remember the "80/20" rule taught in business school! You make 80% of your profit from the top 20% of the population. The focus is on the TOP 20% - the 80% are irrelevant and expendable.

Sadly, when we hear "American interests" we are hearing about the interests of the folks on top, the 20%.

According to the "American interests" crowd, the economy is doing great! The war is succeeding. Democracy is on the march. Taxes for the wealthy need to be cut even more. Social Security needs to be cut back. Layoffs are good. etc., etc., etc.

Follow the money, and you will see that whatever happens - if it enriches, advances, maintains, or protects the precious high rollers and their immediate flunkies - it is in the AMERICAN INTEREST !

But how is it that in a "democracy," the interests of the top 20% determine "American interests" for everyone ?

Well, it's not REALLY a democracy; they just tell us that it is (but that's a long story for another time).

- Uke Man

Invading Manhattan September 22 

Ukulele Noir. . . Indeed !! 

Manhattan Ukulele Noir

The Ukulele Noir Cabaret (http://noir.ukulelecrazy.com)
invades Manhattan September 22 at the Bowery Poetry Club (http://www.bowerypoetry.com/),10:00 p.m. until forever.

"Ukulele Noir" is the concept of Bostonian Craig Robertson
(www.robertsonstudio.com) and has played to raves at the Sky Bar (www.skybar.us) regularly for almost a year.

Craig will emcee the review and perform as well, teamed up with Karen Langlie - together billed as "Scotch & Ginger." Langlie is one of the "Sob Sisters"
(www.sobsisters.com), and her sibling - Renee Rogers - will be teaming up in turn with the "Ukulele Crooner" and Noir regular, Rick Russo
(www.jazzukes.com/crooner/friends.html) .

Joining the Mass.-ive uke talent will be Manhattan's own "Sonic Uke" (www.sonicuke.com) the team of Jason Tagg and Ted Gottfried, happy residents of the "Murray Spaceshoe" building on West 10th Street near Greenwich Avenue, where they regularly offer "uke on the stoop" for any and all free ukulele spirits (http://www.sonicuke.com/nytimes.php).

They also produce the popular "Midnight Ukulele Disco" every other week on Manhattan public access TV - also streamed live on the net. Their site (www.ukuleledisco.com) is loaded with delicious archives as well. New Yorkers should also check out their monthly "Ukulele Cabaret" at Julius in the Village.

In addition!!! The irrepressible and totally cheeky Ukulele Lloyd – stealer of the show at the Fez anti-W show- (http://www.ukulelelloyd.com/ukulele) will get you up and at it with his inimitable shenanigans!

Last but not least, the City will once again feel the weight of Tom Harker, the "Ukulele Man" ( http://www.ukuleleman.net/blog.html) who helped organize ukulele marchers and an anti-"W" show at the Fez during the last Republican National Convention. Only this time it will be "Ukulele Man & his Prodigal Sons," a six-piece band that will abet the Uke Man in striking your fancy.

All the songs are original, and the lyrics are in keeping with the venue: the Bowery POETRY Club. Peter English on guitar, Bob Hite on accordion and slide whistle, Bob Starker on saxophone, Ty Barnes on bass, Karen Greene on trombone and snare, and Jon Dilgard on harmonica will have you dancing on the roof!

There might even be some unexpected, mystery guests as well !!!

Come join the merriment!! The Bowery Poetry Club, Thursday, September 22,
from 10:00 p.m. until the last dog dies.

- Uke Man

"Yes! This is MY booger!! And I'm proud of it!! Got an "A" in boogery at Yale!"  

"I'm the President and I'll do whatever I goddamned please!"

Note for fellow paranoids: this WAS posted here earlier! A friend even commented in response to it (I double-checked - yep, she did!). Suddenly it was gone! Go figure. Maybe "Whoreland Security" was just asserting itself!!

From: Capitol Hill Blue

Bush Leagues
Bush's Obscene Tirades Rattle White House Aides
By DOUG THOMPSONAug 25, 2005, 06:19

While President George W. Bush travels around the country in a last-ditch effort to sell his Iraq war, White House aides scramble frantically behind the scenes to hide the dark mood of an increasingly angry leader who unleashes obscenity-filled outbursts at anyone who dares disagree with him.

“I’m not meeting again with that goddamned bitch,” Bush screamed at aides who suggested he meet again with Cindy Sheehan, the war-protesting mother whose son died in Iraq. “She can go to hell as far as I’m concerned!”

Bush, administration aides confide, frequently explodes into tirades over those who protest the war, calling them “motherfucking traitors.” He reportedly was so upset over Veterans of Foreign Wars members who wore “bullshit protectors” over their ears during his speech to their annual convention that he told aides to “tell those VFW assholes that I’ll never speak to them again is they can’t keep their members under control.”

White House insiders say Bush is growing increasingly bitter over mounting opposition to his war in Iraq. Polls show a vast majority of Americans now believe the war was a mistake and most doubt the President’s honesty.
“Who gives a flying fuck what the polls say,” he screamed at a recent strategy meeting. “I’m the President and I’ll do whatever I goddamned please. They don’t know shit.”

Bush, while setting up for a photo op for signing the recent CAFTA bill, flipped an extended middle finger to reporters. Aides say the President often “flips the bird” to show his displeasure and tells aides who disagree with him to “go to hell” or to “go fuck yourself.” His habit of giving people the finger goes back to his days as Texas governor, aides admit, and videos of him doing so before press conferences were widely circulated among TV stations during those days. A recent video showing him shooting the finger to reporters while walking also recently surfaced.

Bush’s behavior, according to prominent Washington psychiatrist, Dr. Justin Frank, author of “Bush on the Couch: Inside the Mind of the President,” is all too typical of an alcohol-abusing bully who is ruled by fear.

To see that fear emerges, Dr. Frank says, all one has to do is confront the President. “To actually directly confront him in a clear way, to bring him out, so you would really see the bully, and you would also see the fear,” he says.
Dr. Frank, in his book, speculates that Bush, an alcoholic who brags that he gave up booze without help from groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, may be drinking again.

“Two questions that the press seems particularly determined to ignore have hung silently in the air since before Bush took office,” Dr. Frank says. “Is he still drinking? And if not, is he impaired by all the years he did spend drinking? Both questions need to be addressed in any serious assessment of his psychological state.”

Last year, Capitol Hill Blue learned the White House physician prescribed anti-depressant drugs for the President to control what aides called “violent mood swings.” As Dr. Frank also notes: “In writing about Bush's halting appearance in a press conference just before the start of the Iraq War, Washington Post media critic Tom Shales speculated that ‘the president may have been ever so slightly medicated.’”

Dr. Frank explains Bush’s behavior as all-to-typical of an alcoholic who is still in denial:

“The pattern of blame and denial, which recovering alcoholics work so hard to break, seems to be ingrained in the alcoholic personality; it's rarely limited to his or her drinking,” he says. “The habit of placing blame and denying responsibility is so prevalent in George W. Bush's personal history that it is apparently triggered by even the mildest threat.”

"Hott damn!! I'm here!! Let the good times roll, Honey bun!! and turn up the music!!" 

Grandpa AGAIN!!!

Hey!! Hey!! Hey!!
I'm a Grandpa again!!
This time it's Frances Katherine Harker, daughter of my son Aaron and his wife Libby.
I bought her a book, "Bread and Jam for Frances." She's learning to read as we speak.

Smart AND Cute!!!

- Uke Man

A bright kid! Just like her Grandpa! 

"Jesus wants Chavez dead & Coulter in bed! Or I'm a senile old fart!" 

Ass-ass-in-the-nation ........Seeking Ass Assignation

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assignation, but if Anne Coulter is trying to assignate me, I think Jesus would say, 'Go ahead, Pat, you old pecker wood!! Go ahead and do it,' " Robertson said. "She's a whole lot cheaper than a hooker! Ask Jimmy Swaggert!!"

Hey Pat!! Slip me your column, you Christian Hunk - Like the leather?

Sorry

Hey Folks!
A transformer in my neighborhood blew up and wiped out my computer.

I'll be getting back at it soon!!

- Uke Man

Kid: “Pardon me, Sir. How do you get to Carnegie Hall?”

Practice

Practice 

Practice 

Practice 

Practice 

Up-coming Shows

Hey Folks!

We’re getting ready for:

Saturday, September 3 at Stagecoach BBQ and Blues –
...................................................Bob Sauls starts it off at 8:00 !

Thursday, September 22 at the Bowery Poetry Club – Manhattan

Friday, September 23 at the Sky Bar – Boston

Saturday, September 24 – to be announced . . .

- Uke Man

WAL-MART #1 

You Always Hurt the One You Love

Fellow Consumers,

I heard on the radio yesterday that WAL-MART had reported much slower growth this month, and blamed it on the price of gasoline, saying that its customers have only so much disposable income, and that they are spending it on fuel.

Yeah, when you work at WAL-MART and gas is at $2.50+ a gallon, you can’t afford to buy much of ANYTHING else.

But we still gotta keep those everyday low prices down so poor people can buy shit they don’t need! And to keep those everyday low prices down, we have to make every WAL-MART worker poorer - and every other worker who creates shit that WAL-MART pushes poorer - so that the everyday low prices can be reduced even more - so even poorer people can get a bargain on shit they don’t need.

And the spiraling saga of the race to the bottom continues.

Or does it?

Maybe Bush & Co & his Oil Buds are at least leaving a little something on the dresser for us for whenever they’re done getting their rocks off.

Maybe, without knowing it, they’re fucking WAL-MART too!

- Uke Man

Monkeys looking for a savior have an excuse. WE need to SAVE OURSELVES!! Resist! Protest!! Drive Bush Out!

The Red Badge of Stupidity

If Stephen Crane, author of “The Red Badge of Courage,” were alive today and was asked to explain the mess in which we find ourselves, he would open his book of poems and recite:

A learned man came to me once.
He said: “I know the way, - come.”
And I was overjoyed at this.
Together we hastened.
Soon, too soon, were we
Where my eyes were useless,
And I knew not the ways of my feet.
I clung to the hand of my friend;
But at last he cried: “I am lost.”


Apparently even in the late 1800’s there were self-appointed geniuses not unlike our Neo-Coneheads; as well as moronic, messianic clods who would lead us to self-destruction at the bidding of their personal god. More disturbingly, even then there were vast numbers among the populous begging to put their FAITH in any handy psychopath – for no better reason than to escape the responsibility of actively THINKING.

No wonder Twain called us “The Damned Human Race”!

- Uke Man

Yep! He knew best how to get convicted of tax evasion and leave office even before Tricky Dicky 

Standing up to the Posturing Pooh-Bahs of Positive Propaganda #1

Hey! Spiro Agnew would call me a Nattering Nabob of Negativity, but SOMEBODY has to stand up to the Posturing Pooh-Bahs of Positive Propaganda.

(Note: This is the first of an anticipated continuing series of attacks upon Posturing Pooh-Bahs of Positive Propaganda)

It’s always the “Big Money Dilberts” (BMD’s) who prattle endlessly about how things are just so hunky-dory!! Wall Street folks cheer when thousands are laid off from living-wage jobs. They cheer again when “new jobs” that pay half of what the “old jobs” paid are created. They brag when the number of these new, half-assed jobs is higher than they themselves had predicted – even though these lower-paying jobs are far fewer than what they themselves had said earlier were necessary to replace the number of good jobs lost. They cheer when “productivity” improves – because higher “productivity” means more work has been squeezed out of fewer workers, bringing higher profits and/or celebratory layoffs. They cheer an economy that is doing well – for THEM (it doesn’t matter that they are doing well by doing us in).


The insufferable Thomas Friedman, the darling of globalization and the spreading of democracy, isn’t hurting financially and isn’t likely to even KNOW anyone who SWEATS at WORK . He definitely isn’t close to anyone who WORKS in a SWEAT-shop! Nevertheless, he’s ebullient over the capitalistic, market-based accumulation of wealth (by the few) in China, while dismissing as expected and as unimportant that the teeming populace is displaced and hurt by this – not to worry about THEM. In his mind, eventually (not in their or Friedman’s lifetime, but “someday”) it will all work out splendidly.

And if it doesn’t, who cares – as the BMD’s relish saying, “Life isn’t fair” (translation: “tough shit!”).

Well screw them. All the positive cheery/cherry talk by the BMD’s notwithstanding, for most people here and around the world, life is just a bowl of pits.

- Uke Man

That's me in the corner, losing my religion. 

Barnes & Noble Report

Hey!

I had a great time at Barnes & Noble!! Met some nice folks, a young Chinese man who loved my stuff – his uncle lives in Paris (lucky dog!) – and a bunch of young men who – like moi – are in a band ( “Nex Level” check ‘em out at: www.nexleveljazz.com - nice, polished sound! You’ll like it!!).

AND I was able to purchase a number of weird post cards suitable for mailing to my good Pal in the UK – Mr. James!! Not to mention an icing device suitable for decorating the next cookie in the series (yes!! Pope Cookies rule!! But time marches on!! A NEW cookie is in the works – better, tastier, and more appropriate than even the Pope Cookie!!).

More on that in time!
-Uke Man

"Barns are a Noble part of our heritage! and you can make Book on that" - Hillbilly Uke Man 

"But not if we say, 'King's X - no hit backs!!' " - President Dubya Bush 

"Hubris" is not a spread made of chick-peas

According to Eric Boehlert of “Salon.com”: “Bush aides once welcomed reporter Ron Suskind into the West Wing, invited him to attend some meetings, gave him lengthy interviews and even found him his own desk to work at inside the White House.”


That was in 2002; Suskind has since reported on one of his Whitehouse conversations: “The aide said that guys like me were ‘in what we call the reality-based community,’ which he defined as people who ‘believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality.’ I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. ‘That's not the way the world really works anymore,’ he continued. ‘We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.”


Now it’s 2005, and according to “The Washington Post,” a “senior [Bush Administration] official involved in policy” says, “We are in a process of absorbing the factors of the situation we're in and shedding the UNREALITY that dominated at the beginning.”

Well, ain’t that just dandy!!!

Bush, Cheney, Rummy, Condy, and the Neo Coneshitheads were partly right. They couldn’t make their empire real; they couldn’t make themselves the “benevolent,” “democratic” dictators of the world; BUT they certainly DID create reality for the thousands of Americans and Iraqis whose deaths they caused. They DID create the reality of suppressing the Bill of Rights and the ignoring of international agreements such as the Geneva Accords. They DID create the reality of a rollback of the people’s standard of living. They DID create the reality of huge war profiteering by the their pals. They HAVE created a hellish reality not only for the majority of Americans, but for the world as well.

The reality they’d hoped for themselves, though, is falling apart!! Hence the statement: “We are in a process of . . . shedding the unreality that dominated at the beginning.”

Well, these mangy dogs can “shed” all they want, but the chickens are coming home to roost and they’re hungry for meat!

- Uke Man

"Yep, I got this here book at Barnes & Noble last week, and I've already got most of it colored." 

Uke Man @ Easton Tomorrow (Thursday)

Hey Folks!

The Ukulele Man will be appearing solo this Thursday at the Easton Barnes & Noble in the Café (614-476-8480) from 7:00 to 8:30 P.M.

If you’re shopping, stop by.

- Uke Man

More time to ride my bike!!! 

Outsourcing Reaches Top Levels *

* (thanks to Linda B.)

The House of Representatives today announced that the office ofPresident of the United States of America will be outsourced overseas as of August 31st.

The move is being made to save not only a significant portion ofthe President's $400K yearly salary, but also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings will be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.), a member of the Budget Committee. Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

"We do not believe there will be any reduction in performance as a result of the outsourcing," Reynolds said.Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.His older daughter read and printed off the important e-mail for him.Preparations for the job change have been underway for some time.

INDIAN NEXT PRESIDENT

Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, was chosen to be his successor by the Electoral College in secret balloting and will be assuming the office of President as of noon August 31. Mr.Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.

Mr. Singh is a graduate of Mother Teresa Junior College with a major in public communication. His strong communications skills were cited as a reason for his hiring. "He already knows how to pronounce'nuclear' correctly," Rep. Reynolds said.

Singh will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities with only a small support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the AmericanExpress New Dehli call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive CQ interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

SCRIPT TREE BEARS FRUIT

An anonymous spokesperson for the House of Representatives noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him "to respond effectively to most topics of concern without having to understand the underlying issues at all."

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson."Mr. Bush has used them for years."

Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, hewill be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for13 weeks, unless he obtains a job or his benefits are extended by theRepublican-controlled Congress, but that is unlikely, considering the size of the current national indebtedness, the independent Cook Report reports.

Mr. Bush will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. He will be provided the outplacement services of Manpower Inc. to help him write a résumé and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr.Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to "limited practical or successful work experience."

LT. BUSH TO IRAQ?

One possibility is re-enlistment in the Air National Guard. Should Mr. Bush choose this option, he would likely be stationed inIraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there! I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport.

Sources in Baghdad and Fallujah say Mr. Bush likely would receive a very warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

Pictures from Monday's Protest

Supporting Cindy Sheehan - Monday 8-16-05

The World Can't Wait! Drive Bush Out - Nov. 2 

End the War ! 

The Youth were there!! 

The youthful and beautiful Laura was there TOO!! (the photographer screwed up!!)

Washington DC Demo Sept. 24 

"Get in line! Resistance is futile! - - - The Presidentionator has spoken!"  

I'm Going!! YOU Come Too!!!

Women in Black (WIB) and the Progressive Peace Coalition are calling for a solidarity rally in support of Cindy Sheehan and the solidarity rally in New York City on Monday, August 15th (tomorrow!) at the corner of Broad and High St. from 5:00 to 6:00 PM. Please bring signs in support of Cindy and her cause which is to end the war and bring the troops home. We are urging everyone (men and women) to join us in supporting this heroic woman. Please be there as close to 5:00 PM as possible so we can get the homeward bound traffic.

Uke Man at Larry's dodging another beer bottle 

Larry's Saturday Night!!

Hey!!!

A great time at Larry's as always!!

Parker Paul broke me up. So creative. My head was spinning trying to mentally grasp the complex simplicity of the act. Keyboard Dali playing Las Vegas Lounges? The Handsome Family on Prozac? Wonderful!!!

Then the band and I did a GREAT set!!! (including the numbers we'll do in NYC & Boston come September). What a WONDERFUL BAND!!!

Then the old one did some solo stuff until closing time.

Fun! Fun! Fun!

We'll do it again Saturday, Sept. 3 at the Stagecoach BBQ & Blues in S. Bloomfield (good food at good prices and GREAT beer) - check the website: http://www.stagecoachbbq.com/ (and hear the jingle we wrote and recorded for them).

AND Mr. Bob Sauls (who is allowed to call me "You Crazy Nut!!") will open with his slide guitar and original songs. See you there.

Love - Uke Man

Making Magic

Pete, Jon, and Ty on the gigantic Larry's stage

Karen trying to wake up Ty

Bob! You devil, you!!!

NION @ Larry's

George was there!!! Thanks, George!!

"Next year we're addin' econ-jography to the test! (to help the disadvantagers put food on their family and make the pie higher!) - Yep!" 

Lake Dubyabegone

I reply below to these excerpts from:

"The Divide In Education" by David S. Broder
Sunday, August 14, 2005 - in the "Columbus Dispatch"

It took me a while to catch up with her, but I reached Education Secretary Margaret Spellings recently just before she left town for vacation. I was pursuing her because of an extraordinary outpouring of e-mails and other messages from teachers and principals -- triggered, I'm afraid, by a column in June in which I'd questioned the educators' commitment to the goal of improving school performance.

The column was prompted by a survey for the Educational Testing Service by the polling firms of Peter D. Hart, a Democrat, and David Winston, a Republican. In it, three-fourths of high school teachers had unfavorable views of No Child Left Behind, the four-year-old Bush administration initiative that Spellings helped design when she was on the White House staff.

More troubling, as I said, was the fact that teachers seemed skeptical of the basic premise of that law -- that students, teachers and schools should be rigorously judged by a single standard. They were asked to choose between the statement that everyone should be held to the same standard of performance, because it is wrong to have lower expectations for students from disadvantaged backgrounds, and the contrary view that they should not be held to the same standard because we should not expect teachers working with disadvantaged students to have them reach the same level of performance on standardized tests as teachers in more affluent schools.

I suggested that the teachers' attitude spelled trouble for the effort to improve the schools -- and the teachers let me know they thought I was dead wrong.

I knew that Spellings's response would be a lot more significant to these teachers than my own, so I pursued her for an interview. Her first comment was that she was sure the excerpts I just quoted came from "good-hearted and well-intentioned teachers," but then -- employing the president's favorite phrase -- she said, "I hear a lot of 'the soft bigotry of low expectations' in there."





Dear Mr. Broder,

I am a retired teacher in Ohio with 31 years’ experience in both a high school and several junior highs – both urban and small town.
We have “benefited” quite a few years from the Ohio Proficiency Test, a precursor to Bush’s “No Child” plan. It has been a costly fraud, but Bush’s plan is even worse.
Aside from skepticism over whether Republicans are truly interested in reducing bigotry – soft or otherwise (see Willie Horton and the black-baby smear of McCain) – the plan is insane on its face. Just one example: after 12 years EVERY student is expected to be significantly above average (as are the children of that little town in Minnesota).
Consider this: in what other field of endeavor would one rationally assume that if only the “instructors” – the coaches, advisors, consultants, ministers, pundits, etc. – REALLY cared and REALLY expected uniformly superior results from their team, politicians, businessmen, congregations, or audience, that in twelve years everyone would perform at the same high level?
When such a scheme is attempted with football, I will eagerly await the “new fuzzy math” that explains how EVERY team could win 75% or more of its games and lose no more than 25%.
“No Child” is a political con job. The problem isn’t “soft bigotry” exercised by educators; it is hard-line hypocrisy exercised by dissembling politicians and their lackeys. It is not a failure by educators to diligently address the problems presented by economic, racial, and class discrimination. It is rather the refusal by our government and our society to eradicate economic, racial, and class discrimination.
Scapegoating is a lot easier and a lot cheaper.

- Uke Man

I Went to California to look at the Trees 

Story Corps - Part 8 - Teachers Union #1

poster by Mr. Don Nelson 

Uke Man at Larry's Saturday

Hey Folks!!

The Uke Man & his Prodigal Sons will be at Larry’s this Saturday night (Aug. 13) with Parker Paul starting it off at 10:00!! This is the first leg of our second World Tour. Be there!!

There’s only one Larry’s and there’s only one (thank goodness) Ukulele Man.

See you soon!! - Uke Man

Larry's Bar's bar 

Larry's 

This guy was Intelligently Designed 

Letter to Kathleen Parker, addled "Dispatch" columnist

Note: In response to her 8-10-05 column ( http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/opinion/columnists/orl-edpparker07080705aug07,0,3500062.column )

Dear Ms. Parker,

Good idea! Liven up those boring classes with intelligent design!! – but why stop there?

Channeling, alchemy, phrenology, and the argument for a flat-earth would add to the excitement as well!

And as for exposing students to different ideas, golly!! Kids could really benefit from hearing more about gays, abortion, sex, non-Christian religions (especially pagan varieties), and the negative effects of corporations and capitalism (not just the good parts).

Of course, there are those who will see this as a nefarious conspiracy and scream bloody murder, but with you and the President out front defending our children’s right to hear all sides and understand what the debate is about, I’m confident that our schools will become much more interesting, and soon.

- Uke Man

Yeah!! Daddy, Grammy Bar, & Uncle Dick don't like the Uke Man, but WE'LL be at Larry's anyway!! The Uke Man is HOTT!! and Parker Paul is yum! yum!! (his drummer is to die for!!!) 

Larry's - August 13 - Cage Match!!!!

Hey Folks!!

The Ukulele Man & his Prodigal Sons will be appearing next Saturday (August 13) at Larry’s Bar ((Corner of Woodruff and High)) on the OSU campus, 2040 North High Street, Columbus, (614) 299-6010.

Parker Paul will start the evening at 10:00, followed by sets with the Uke Band & the Uke Man. Please come and join us!! There are things to TELL (regarding the health of the planet) as well as things to SING!!

AND, this is the first leg of our second World Tour!! Be part of history!! Be there!!!
NOT SOLD IN ANY STORE!!! GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE!!! THIS ONLY HAPPENS EVERY 20 YEARS (Happy 20th anniversary, Diamond Uke Man)!!! ONLY $19.99!!! and WE’LL THROW IN A GENUINE COPY OF A FAMOUS REPRODUCTION (autographed by Bill Swad) WITH EACH TEST DRIVE!!! IT’S A CAGE MATCH - ENDORSED BY KkkARL ROVE & THE BUSHIE GIRLS!!!

WATCH WHAT YOU DO AND SAY. BUT BE THERE!!!!

Saturday!!

- Uke Man

The Joke is on Us and on our Youth!! 

Think

I’m not sure how many saw it because it was posted a while after my original July 23 posting of “The World Can’t Wait! Drive Out the Bush Regime” (re-posted directly below), but someone anonymously posted: “World Can't Wait is a front of the Maoist Revolutionary Communist Party.”

Even if only very few have seen the posting, I thought it worth discussing.

I’m not exactly sure what was meant by it. Is it simply saying that the Maoist Revolutionary Communist Party (RCP) had a major part in calling for the November 2nd action? If so, that probably is true – as far as I can tell.

But what does the comment mean? Is it just a neutral, factual statement? Is it an endorsement? A criticism? It’s not exactly clear to me, but my guess is that it was meant as a criticism. I’m no expert on activist lingo, but in my experience, the term “front” has always seemed a negative term.

If that is the case, my answer is that if the views expressed in the “World” statement are accurate, helpful, or good in any way; it doesn’t matter who played a major role in expressing them. Whether Bush and Co. are good or bad isn’t determined by who supports or opposes them, but by what Bush & Co. are and do. The same holds for determining appropriate tactics to deal with Bush and his Neo-Coneheads.

NOT doing something because the RCP says to do it is as foolish as DOING something because the RCP says to. However, not doing something one knows is right because one doesn’t like whoever came up with the idea in the first place is worse than foolish!

Communists worked in the Civil Rights movement, and some racists tried to use that as an argument against the movement. Well if racism is wrong, and the RCP is against racism, racism isn’t suddenly OK.

J. Edgar Hoover tried to connect Dr. King to communists, as if that really meant something (you know . . . those godless communists just wanted to destroy the white man’s way of life).

Personally, I believe that almost all social advances have come about because the people demanded change – not because some nice person or group of people got elected, or because those in power decided out of the goodness of their heart to throw us a bone, or because the power of the facts, combined with honest argument, finally brought the privileged around .

Advances were made because the people forced less-than-nice people to do what they didn’t want to do. Following from that, whether not-nice people are forced to work for justice and peace by Methodists, Muslims, Jews, athiests,women, men, boy scouts, gays, minorities, socialists, vegetarians, or even COMMUNISTS, doesn’t matter to me.

I don’t claim to be an expert on the RCP, but I have read and reported on the autobiography of Bob Avakian, the Chairman of the RCP (re- posted 2nd spot below). Judging from that experience, I don’t think most Americans - especially us, my fellow central Ohioans - have a very objective or informed view of just what communism is.

In any case, based on my personal experience, I certainly don’t have any reason to criticize a good idea just because a communist might have thought it up.

- Uke Man


Dunkle's Digest: Judge ideas on their merit - not on what you think of the messenger.

The World Can't Wait! Drive Out the Bush Regime

Note: originally posted July 23 - re-posted in connection with the posting directly above.

Whether, like me, you have little faith in the political system to act for the people or, like some of my friends, you still place some hope in the Democrats, I think we can all agree that the Bush / Cheny / Neo-Conehead / Christian-Fascist Right / war-profiteering / rights-destroying / lying -bullying-imperialistic gang are single-mindedly moving toward their goal of TOTAL DOMINATION – not only of the world, but also of us here in the good ol’ US of A. They will not be stopped short of strong, straightforward demands by the people themselves.

The statement below deserves strong consideration. Check out the website
( http://www.worldcantwait.org/ ). Columbus NION (Not In Our Name) will be working on this effort. Let me know if you want to get involved ( tomharker@ukesanity.org ).

- Uke Man



A message from: http://www.worldcantwait.org/

The World Can't Wait!Drive Out the Bush Regime!
Mobilize for November 2, 2005

The government, on the basis of outrageous lies, is waging a murderous and utterly illegitimate war in Iraq, with other countries in their sights.

The government is openly torturing people, and justifying it.

The government puts people in jail on the merest suspicion, refusing them lawyers, and either holding them indefinitely or deporting them in the dead of night.

The government is moving each day closer to a theocracy, where a narrow and hateful brand of Christian fundamentalism will rule.

The government suppresses the science that doesn’t fit its religious, political and economic agenda, forcing present and future generations to pay a terrible price.

The government is moving to deny women here, and all over the world, the right to birth control and abortion.

The government enforces a culture of greed, bigotry, intolerance and ignorance.

People look at all this and think of Hitler – and they are right to do so. The Bush regime is setting out to radically remake society very quickly, in a fascist way, and for generations to come. We must act now; the future is in the balance.

Millions and millions are deeply disturbed and outraged by this. They recognize the need for a vehicle to express this outrage, yet they cannot find it; politics as usual cannot meet the enormity of the challenge, and people sense this.

There is not going to be some magical "pendulum swing." People who steal elections and believe they’re on a “mission from God will not go without a fight.

There is not going to be some savior from the Democratic Party or anywhere else. This whole idea of putting our hopes and energies into “leaders” who tell us to seek common ground with fascists and religious fanatics is proving every day to be a disaster, and actually serves to demobilize people.

But silence and paralysis are NOT acceptable. That which you will not resist and mobilize to stop, you will learn – or be forced – to accept. There is no escaping it: the whole disastrous course of this Bush regime must be STOPPED. And we must take the responsibility to do it.

And there is a way. We are talking about something on a scale that can really make a huge change in this country and in the world. We need more than fighting Bush’s outrages one at a time, constantly losing ground to the whole onslaught. We must, and can, aim to create a political situation where the Bush regime’s program is repudiated, where Bush himself is driven from office, and where the whole direction he has been taking society is reversed. We, in our millions, must and can take responsibility to change the course of history.

To that end, on November 2, the first anniversary of Bush’s “re-election”, we will take the first major step in this by organizing a truly massive day of resistance all over this country. People everywhere will walk out of school, they will take off work, they will come to the downtowns and town squares and set out from there, going through the streets and calling on many more to JOIN US. They will repudiate this criminal regime, making a powerful statement: “NO! THIS REGIME DOES NOT REPRESENT US! AND WE WILL DRIVE IT OUT!”

November 2 must be a massive and public proclamation that WE REFUSE TO BE RULED IN THIS WAY. November 2 must call out to the tens of millions more who are now agonizing and disgusted. November 2 will be the beginning – a giant first step in forcing Bush to step down, and a powerful announcement that we will not stop until he does so – and it will join with and give support and heart to people all over the globe who so urgently need and want this regime to be stopped.

This will not be easy. If we speak the truth, they will try to silence us. If we act, they will try to stop us. But we speak for the majority, here and around the world, and as we get this going we are going to reach out to the people who have been so badly fooled by Bush and we are NOT going to stop.

The point is this: history is full of examples where people who had right on their side fought against tremendous odds and were victorious. And it is also full of examples of people passively hoping to wait it out, only to get swallowed up by a horror beyond what they ever imagined. The future is unwritten. WHICH ONE WE GET IS UP TO US.

Paloma, my little Dove 

Grandpa Uke Man

Hey Folks!!

For those who don't aready know, the Uke Man is a grandpa!!

My granddaughter is Paloma Teresa Harker and, as you can see, is really cute!!!

Now here's the puzzling part: she's beautiful AND she looks just like me!!

Hmmmmmmmmmmm . . .

- Uke Man

By the Lite of the Millery Moon 

Fun @ Myke Rock's Multi Fest @Tommy Keegan's

It was a great evening for the old man. They had PBR on tap for a dollar!! AND I pleased the crowd with my high jinks too - that makes it nice.

I did "Uncle Sam's Lament," "Crazy Over You," "Eldorado," "If I LOve You," "Walkin' There Together on the Sand," and "Askin' Questions." Played the Martin too - it was sweet.

Heard some nice music, met some nice people - even heard a few songs with a nice Harmony uke belted out by Sarah Asher ( www.sarahasher.com ) a.k.a. "ukulele girl" (no relation).

Spread the word: the Ukes are taking over!!

- Uke Man

Sarah Asher - "ukulele girl"

Not my Rolling Rock - They had PBR on tap for a buck!! - Heaven or what!!?? 

War is Peace 

Myke Rock's Multi Fest 

Uke Man Solo - Saturday

Hey! Uke Man will be appearing (solo) this Saturday Night (August 6) at Tommy Keegan’s* as part of Myke Rock’s Multi-Fest** fund-raiser.

The line-up/schedule is below – see you there!!

-Uke Man

*Tommy Keegan's (456 S. Front St., Brewery District, Columbus, 43215, 614-221-9444, www.tommykeegans.com )

Map: http://maps.yahoo.com/maps_result?addr=456+S.+Front+Street&csz=Columbus%2C+Ohio+43215&country=us&new=1&name=&qty=

** Artist Info & more: www.multifestival.com

Rick Bahner 8:00-8:25
Ben Brown 8:30-8:55
Austin Caulk 9:00-9:25
Sarah Asher 9:30-9:55
Ukulele Man 10:00-10:25
Sadarucci 10:27-10:32
Carson Drew 10:35-11:10
Sadarucci 11:15-11:25
Roadblock 11:30-11:55
Sadarucci 11:57-12:02
Igby 12:05-12:40
Sadarucci 12:45-12:55
Myke Rock 1:00-1:25
Thurmus 1:35-2:10

Feeding time at The Heritage Foundation 

Like I Said!!!

Just a while back I wrote: “Hey! It all makes sense. Everything that happens here and in the world is measured by how it affects the few shit-heads on top. The next time some news report sounds confusing, just look at it as if you are one of the anointed, and even if you don’t like it or agree with it, at least you’ll UNDERSTAND it.”

Well, hardly any time went by before this evening when I listened to “Marketplace” on NPR – I told you I wasn’t making this shit up!

It was time for everyone’s old favorite program “Fuck-the-Poor,” brought to you by the kindly and ever-vigilant Heritage-Hate Foundation!

The NPR reporter commented that “millions of Americans still come up short when bills come due at the end of the month. We are working as hard, or maybe harder than ever, but more of us are sliding into poverty every year.”

The commentary went on to explain how the “federal poverty level” was calculated (three times what it took to just feed a family of four). Today that number is $19,350. Officially, 12.5% of Americans live below this level. In North Carolina the North Carolina Justice Center found that it took almost twice the federal poverty level just to cover the cost of living. A spokesman said, “There are a lot of people who can’t meet their families’ needs every month and know that they can’t, and don’t want to be labeled. But should you be working full time and not have enough to have a child with your spouse?”

Well, listen to Robert Rector, zombie representative of the fascist “Heritage Foundation.” HE says the real poverty problem isn’t Americans’ WAGES; it’s their EXPECTATIONS. He says even the poorest Americans are still better off than they were forty years ago.

He defines poverty as “ individuals that lack adequate food for their kids, maybe lack clothing, lack an adequate apartment or house to live in.” He has the gall to go on to say, “and if that’s what we mean by poverty, there is virtually no poverty left anywhere in the United States.”

He says more nasty shit too. You can hear the Mutherfucker’s actual voice at: http://marketplace.publicradio.org/shows/2005/08/02/PM200508024.html

Well, this shithead hasn’t been to Columbus, Ohio or to Circleville, Ohio; in fact he must not have been ANYWHERE or had his head out of his ass for years. Even by his own definition he is an idiot, and the jerk was on national radio, talking as if he actually has a right to be there!!!

Well, like I said, everything is measured by how it helps the anointed. Poor people don’t REALLY have a problem; it’s just their EXPECTATIONS!! They’re as well off as poor folks in 1965. They’re a lot better off than starving people in third world countries. They should shut the fuck up and praise their lucky stars!

Of course the scumbag from Heritage didn’t say rich fucks had WAY MORE than they needed or that their EXPECTATIONS of income, profit, growth, or wealth accumulation were out of hand or that they were outstripping the levels of forty years ago.

No, like I said, everything is measured by how it affects the few shit-heads on top. It makes sense to them. But what makes sense to me is some folks (whose expectations include their children being fed and clothed as a result of their forty hours' work) beating the piss out of Robert Rector and leaving him a note that he’s still better off than he would have been forty years ago.

- Uke Man

c.c. to Marketplace

Story Corps - Part 7 - Pete

The Thinker 

A Cautionary Tale

(thanks to Linda B. for sending this on)

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at cocktail parties.

Now and then -- just to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix,but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in to his office. He said, "Listen, I like you,and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed,"I've been thinking ..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip a quiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama."I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors... They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye.

"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I believe the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today, I registered to vote as a Republican.

Letter to the "Dispatch" 8-1-2005

To the Editor,

Jonah Goldberg doesn’t understand why some folks are “whining” about the push for ubiquitous surveillance cameras. He claims they won’t threaten privacy and they will reduce the threat of terrorism. “Decent citizens” shouldn’t mind being watched.

It’s assumed that the good people in government will hover over us all and stop only those they decide are bad. We are expected to believe that the most secretive government of my lifetime should know everything about me and that folks like Dick Cheney and Karl Rove would never misuse that privileged information.

Well, whining about this is not nearly a strong enough reaction.

- Uke Man