Actual Headline in the "Circleville Herald": "Dick Promoted to Major General"

For some time I've considered constructing a "FUCK" sign – a sandwich board I could wear as I stumble around the city – particularly around our distinguished Capitol building.

At the top of the boards, front and back, it would say "FUCK" in large letters. Below would be two cup hooks suitable for hanging that day's victim - e.g. "Kkkarl Rove," "the Factor," "Homophobes," etc.

I’ve held back in the belief that although "FUCK" signs are actually legal, the cops would "FUCK" with me anyway (think of the children!!!!!!).

I think, though, that if I change the word to "FCUK" or "PHUCK," Columbus’s Finest - who can explain it? - wouldn't FUCK, FCUK, or PHUCK with me.

Oh, the glorious human race!!!

You can talk on TV and radio about your friend "Dick," but you can't call him "a dick."

Hence designer clothes labeled "Duckhead."

- Uke Man