Random Sex Thoughts
Hey Folks,
I thought I’d share a few random thoughts that have been running through the old Uke Man’s fevered brain of late:
If male suicide bombers go straight to heaven and get the attention of a dozen-or-so virgins; do female suicide bombers get virgins too? And are they kicked out of heaven if they try to have any fun with them?
If instead of virgins, they get twelve studs, what would they want with twelve studs? And won’t most of those studmuffins be terribly horny most of the time?
* * *
I heard that Dokkktor Dobson recently claimed gay marriages would open the door to men “marrying their donkey.” Well, that paints a picture.
I guess a man could marry a mule too, but that couple would be childless. If you want children, marry a donkey or plan to adopt – the pounds are overflowing.
I guess Rikkk inSanitarium of PA similarly claimed that gay marriage would open the door to men marrying their dogs instead of their donkeys. It makes sense; the dog is “man’s best friend.” But I guess it depends on whether you want your wife to be your best friend, or a reliable beast of burden.
I really think the fear Dobson and others express is unnecessary. Even those few among us who are really into bestiality should be smart enough to know that they can “milk that cow without buyin’ it,” so to speak.
And what could they possibly gain by getting hitched to Lassie or Trigger?
True, you wouldn’t have to take them out to dinner, and they’d have a hard time defending themselves in divorce court; but I’ll bet the insurance at work won’t pick up your vet bills!
* * *
Finally, I saw a bumper sticker one night coming home late from a gig. It said, “Choose Life; your Mother did!”
Well, being for Choice, I was stunned. That seemed like a very good argument; and I was puzzled. But before the next traffic light I realized that the logic of the slogan was faulty.
If you think it’s logical to say, “Choose Life; your mother did,” what do you have to say about, “Screw your mother, your father did”?
- Uke Man
I thought I’d share a few random thoughts that have been running through the old Uke Man’s fevered brain of late:
If male suicide bombers go straight to heaven and get the attention of a dozen-or-so virgins; do female suicide bombers get virgins too? And are they kicked out of heaven if they try to have any fun with them?
If instead of virgins, they get twelve studs, what would they want with twelve studs? And won’t most of those studmuffins be terribly horny most of the time?
* * *
I heard that Dokkktor Dobson recently claimed gay marriages would open the door to men “marrying their donkey.” Well, that paints a picture.
I guess a man could marry a mule too, but that couple would be childless. If you want children, marry a donkey or plan to adopt – the pounds are overflowing.
I guess Rikkk inSanitarium of PA similarly claimed that gay marriage would open the door to men marrying their dogs instead of their donkeys. It makes sense; the dog is “man’s best friend.” But I guess it depends on whether you want your wife to be your best friend, or a reliable beast of burden.
I really think the fear Dobson and others express is unnecessary. Even those few among us who are really into bestiality should be smart enough to know that they can “milk that cow without buyin’ it,” so to speak.
And what could they possibly gain by getting hitched to Lassie or Trigger?
True, you wouldn’t have to take them out to dinner, and they’d have a hard time defending themselves in divorce court; but I’ll bet the insurance at work won’t pick up your vet bills!
* * *
Finally, I saw a bumper sticker one night coming home late from a gig. It said, “Choose Life; your Mother did!”
Well, being for Choice, I was stunned. That seemed like a very good argument; and I was puzzled. But before the next traffic light I realized that the logic of the slogan was faulty.
If you think it’s logical to say, “Choose Life; your mother did,” what do you have to say about, “Screw your mother, your father did”?
- Uke Man
1 Comments:
Oh Tom-
Such decisions to be made:
1) Do I sign up for the FSB package tour and get me some studmuffins?
I like studs as much as the next nubile POTENTIAL FSB. Although, I do believe it was bordering on redundant to use studs and horny all the time in the same sentence.
They are men...that's what YOU do!
2) I am available for filling both the role of best friend AND reliable beast of burden. I've got big shoulders and have already demonstrated my abilities to carry MORE than my share of shit in life!
3) Your bumper sticker has so much potential BUT you may need to utilize the ' * ' symbol. Until paternity can be established, it may be more appropriate to say "screw your mother, your father MIGHT have!"
4) Okay...okay...I'll stop picking on Ohio for voting in GW The IIdiot if YOU try to stop reminding me that Rikkk inSanitarium is from PA albeit it WESTERN PA!
Okay Tom--let's hit that cave! I'll pack the vittles like a good little woman!
Thanks for spicing up my boring Monday night!
I'll tip my bottle of Lord Chesterfield Ale in YOUR direction.
If you hear of any of the OTHER FSB's not wanting to use UP all their studs, you have my number!
It's the least I can do FOR THE GOOD OF THE CAUSE!!!
Phyll
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