Outsourcing Reaches Top Levels *
* (thanks to Linda B.)
The House of Representatives today announced that the office ofPresident of the United States of America will be outsourced overseas as of August 31st.
The move is being made to save not only a significant portion ofthe President's $400K yearly salary, but also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings will be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.), a member of the Budget Committee. Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
"We do not believe there will be any reduction in performance as a result of the outsourcing," Reynolds said.Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.His older daughter read and printed off the important e-mail for him.Preparations for the job change have been underway for some time.
INDIAN NEXT PRESIDENT
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, was chosen to be his successor by the Electoral College in secret balloting and will be assuming the office of President as of noon August 31. Mr.Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.
Mr. Singh is a graduate of Mother Teresa Junior College with a major in public communication. His strong communications skills were cited as a reason for his hiring. "He already knows how to pronounce'nuclear' correctly," Rep. Reynolds said.
Singh will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities with only a small support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the AmericanExpress New Dehli call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive CQ interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."
SCRIPT TREE BEARS FRUIT
An anonymous spokesperson for the House of Representatives noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him "to respond effectively to most topics of concern without having to understand the underlying issues at all."
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson."Mr. Bush has used them for years."
Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, hewill be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for13 weeks, unless he obtains a job or his benefits are extended by theRepublican-controlled Congress, but that is unlikely, considering the size of the current national indebtedness, the independent Cook Report reports.
Mr. Bush will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. He will be provided the outplacement services of Manpower Inc. to help him write a résumé and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr.Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to "limited practical or successful work experience."
LT. BUSH TO IRAQ?
One possibility is re-enlistment in the Air National Guard. Should Mr. Bush choose this option, he would likely be stationed inIraq, a country he has visited.
"I've been there! I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport.
Sources in Baghdad and Fallujah say Mr. Bush likely would receive a very warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.
The House of Representatives today announced that the office ofPresident of the United States of America will be outsourced overseas as of August 31st.
The move is being made to save not only a significant portion ofthe President's $400K yearly salary, but also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings will be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.), a member of the Budget Committee. Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
"We do not believe there will be any reduction in performance as a result of the outsourcing," Reynolds said.Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.His older daughter read and printed off the important e-mail for him.Preparations for the job change have been underway for some time.
INDIAN NEXT PRESIDENT
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, was chosen to be his successor by the Electoral College in secret balloting and will be assuming the office of President as of noon August 31. Mr.Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.
Mr. Singh is a graduate of Mother Teresa Junior College with a major in public communication. His strong communications skills were cited as a reason for his hiring. "He already knows how to pronounce'nuclear' correctly," Rep. Reynolds said.
Singh will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities with only a small support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the AmericanExpress New Dehli call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive CQ interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."
SCRIPT TREE BEARS FRUIT
An anonymous spokesperson for the House of Representatives noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him "to respond effectively to most topics of concern without having to understand the underlying issues at all."
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson."Mr. Bush has used them for years."
Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, hewill be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for13 weeks, unless he obtains a job or his benefits are extended by theRepublican-controlled Congress, but that is unlikely, considering the size of the current national indebtedness, the independent Cook Report reports.
Mr. Bush will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. He will be provided the outplacement services of Manpower Inc. to help him write a résumé and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr.Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to "limited practical or successful work experience."
LT. BUSH TO IRAQ?
One possibility is re-enlistment in the Air National Guard. Should Mr. Bush choose this option, he would likely be stationed inIraq, a country he has visited.
"I've been there! I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport.
Sources in Baghdad and Fallujah say Mr. Bush likely would receive a very warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.
1 Comments:
Too phucking phunny phor words!!!
Anything I would try and post would only detract from the pure BEAUTY of this one!
Bravo!
Thank You!!
Can someone send GW The Outsourced Boy Wonder a copy of this one???
Damn! This was GREAT!
Phyll
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